Peace of mind.

One of the many themes I’ve been chewing on this past year is the aging process – physically, mentally, emotionally – and as you would expect I’ll explore each of those some more — but other variables in the outcome of aging are profoundly striking and easily missed — socially, spiritually, financially to name a few.

Today let’s lean in on the search for peace.

Peace of mind.

This need, this search, this active choice to protect one’s peace dramatically shifts as humans age.

No easier way to see this evolution than in the car after I’ve picked up the 15 year old boy and the 11 year girl after exhausting days at school and work.

She is full of piss and vinegar- rattling on about this drama and that conflict that even in just 5th grade is already producing factions of mean girls vs emo girls.

The boy is quiet, as freshman boys are, and will talk about class and school work and the drama and conflict around this teacher or that test.

And when asked about my day, I say it was hard – cause it always is- I’ll say I made it through – cause I always do – and that’s usually where I end.

Once in a blue moon I’ll share something that happened or something about someone but usually it’s in a context of a life lesson – like “don’t be that asshole who flakes out on the group project and then takes credit for it!”

But more times than not I’ve already jammed away my stress to some loud music and I’m ready to disengage from my work world and lean in on my home world.

This is an active approach to maintaining my inner peace.

There are thousands of moments in a given day/week/month that I choose peace — most revolve around keeping my mouth shut and not telling off someone, or texting someone, or seeing someone.

But it’s other ways – choosing songs to listen to that spark good memories instead of melancholy, reading articles that provide useful information instead of dread and angst, accepting an invitation to a social thing instead of retreating to my couch, heck even choosing to wear flats to work instead of heels because I just want to be comfortable.

And more importantly to this whole point it – these choices to act or not act – to preserve our inner and outer peace – are made instinctively and without doubt or remorse.

That is the difference in age.

That in other decades I would wrestle with saying no to a friend.

Today I say it and I move on.

In other decades I would hip check someone in a meeting who offended me or belittled me.

Now I inner laugh and move on.

In other decades I would fight the fight – whatever the battle, I was in it to win it.

Now, I let the battle run it’s course knowing there really is no victor.

Do we get this way because we are wiser?

Do we get this way because we are more emotionally and hormonally balanced?

Or do we get this way because we are just tired?

This meme was posted today by an elected official who often promotes the need for compromise and accountability and acrimony. And I respect that approach to politics and to life more and more.

But it’s not just respect – it’s understanding, in my being, that peace of mind is in of itself an active choice.

So to that I end with this:

May peace of mind be with you.