Dreams.

Last nite I had a bad dream.

It was about work.

There was a lot of anxiety and confusion and stress.

I woke up anxious, confused, stressed.

It stuck with me all day.

Of course work itself didn’t help to relieve that anxiety, confusion or stress.

But that’s not the point of this particular post.

The dream is the point.

Ever since I was very young I’ve been an active, vivid dreamer.

I remember sitting at the breakfast table and telling my dad every detail of the dream I had the night before, it was always very long, very emotional, very… vivid.

I thought that kind of dreaming was normal.

He would remark that it very much wasn’t – that mine were like small movies with plots and subplots and context and imagery.

Not really that surprising given my penchant for writing and reading and, well, watching movies.

A side effect of Prozac is “abnormal or unusual dreams” – that added a new dimension some 30 years ago when I began taking that to regulate my serotonin levels.

My recurring dreams — that I’m late for class, can’t find my class, didn’t turn in my homework or study for the exam or get a good grade – still plague me.

Other top hits:

My teeth are falling out.

Someone is breaking into my house/bedroom and I try to scream for help but no sound comes out.

I’m lost.

I’m late.

Always vary a little in location, characters, timeframe but always leave the same physical imprint when I wake up – like someone stomped on my chest!

And then I’m unsettled for the rest of the day.

And that’s way worse because then it’s like a living nightmare – living the nightmare – all day – while awake.

Some of my dreams are pleasant – some are visits from old friends, ex-lovers, deceased family.

Some are almost prophetic – I’ve been known to randomly dream about someone I haven’t talked to in forever and then see them/hear from them.

Or dream of a bizarre circumstance and then it happens – not a deja vous – a true, kinda premonition.

Don’t get excited – it’s always about something very stupid or benign like a dream I had about every light I turned on in my house immediately went out/blew the bulb and then two or three days later I flipped the hallway switch and the light blew out.

Weird shit like that.

But still, the baseline is these dreams come from somewhere and usually mean something and stick with me for sometime.

And… it’s exhausting.