Circle of Crisis

I’m midway through these 50 days

I’m midway through my life

Midlife

A crisis right?

At the moment – more like a swirling sledgehammer

Today in the span of a few hours I found out one friend suddenly lost someone very close to them, someone younger than me

And I found out another is pregnant

This is after the first of my baby’s fifth grade graduation celebrations

And watching FB posts of friends’ kids graduating Highschool and I knew all of those kids when they were still in the belly and held them when they were days old

And after going in at the crack of dawn for annual bloodwork with extra tests for arthritis and such

So yeh

Sledgehammer

Or see-saw

Or circle

No beginning, no end, just a ever turning, ever changing, ever flowing middle.

An ever ebbing mid-of-life

Maybe the whole crisis that people encounter around this age

Isn’t the realization that they are half way to death

Cause after all, we’re not

We are always one minute closer to our death and will never know the half way point because we never know when it will happen and the half way point will only ever be calculated after you die and the rest is just wasted time

And thus, the crisis is actually realizing that it’s just this ever moving circle of life, on and on, one life bleeding into the next and so on and such and that, knowing that, is what gives us a crisis, a angst, an unease.

And our brains aren’t fully able to comprehend this concept until they’ve been aged, grown, taught for a certain about of time – 4 or 5 or 6 decades.

Then click.

Your brain is turned on and ready and you got it.

You get it.

And that’s the crisis.