Our place in this world

I’m not talking about big, grandiose “what is my place/role/contribution to this world” shit

I’m going very basic

Our place within our group

Our place within our friends group

Our place within our family group

Our place within our coworker group

How that “place” changes and how we navigate that change takes so much of our emotional energy it leaves little room for anything else, especially logic

Where is this coming from?

Well, after a particularly difficult day of elevated levels of FOMO and self-confidence crushers I came home to a call from my crying tween daughter who feels her best friend is leaving her out of group chats on purpose ( let’s not get into the group chats and group text snake pit right now – or that these are 11/12 year olds with highly unregulated emotions mixed with hormones and a penchant for drama) — and I spent a considerable about of time talking about giving someone space and empathy and not reading into choices or situations and to extend oneself grace and not judge themselves too harshly or always jump to the worst instead of waiting patiently for the truth to reveal itself or the situation to self correct.

Whew.

It was a lot.

And some of it helped.

Most of it fell on deaf ears.

And I’ll say it again – and again – and again.

Cause these feelings, these shitty murky situations will happen again – and again – and again.

Until she’s 50!

And it breaks my heart.

As it does with every parent navigating their child through the rough waters of relations and relationships.

But

And this is a big but

Unlike me at her age, and to some extent even at my current age since I didn’t take a lick of what I told her to my own heart, yet unlike me at her age she is so honestly self aware.

“ I don’t like the way this makes me feel and I want it to stop.”

She said that.

And I feel that- for her, for me, for all of us.

How raw and wonderful is that statement

“ I don’t like the way this makes me feel.”

In my eyes, she’s the strongest, wisest, bravest soul I know.

And I told her that.

And I meant it.

And I’m proud.

I’m really proud.

Though she inherited my pool of pervasive self-doubt and my ocean of crippling empathy — she’s been raised to acknowledge her feelings, express her feelings and move through her feelings towards acceptance and solutions.

She’s not repressing them.

She’s not ignoring them.

And she’s not apologizing for them.

All things I can teach someone, raise in someone, and yet still struggle with myself – daily.

She is not only finding her place in this world, she’s defining it.

Something I’m only just now doing, and owning.

Owning my place in this world – and all its fucked up groupings.